I bet he comes in French.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
