I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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