Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
