i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
