Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
