The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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