Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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