out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
