Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
