Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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