I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
