I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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