I just made out with a guy for $7.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
