My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
