Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
