I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
