First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
