If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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