everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
