I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
