I'll bet she douches with gravy.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
