I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
