hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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