so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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