If i come over, it means nothing
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
