I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
