I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
