I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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