I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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