Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
