He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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