My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
