Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
