I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
