Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
