I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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