I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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