I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
