He kissed a someone with a penis
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Sorry about my life...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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