I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
