I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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