you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize