My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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