He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
