WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
