When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
