spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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