Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
