the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
