wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
