I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
it was like having sex with a tree stump
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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