So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
