I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
