forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
