I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
