Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
