well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
