M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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