Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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