Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
