I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just saw a hot homeless man
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
