you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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