I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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