I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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