someone get that fucking seahorse.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
