So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
