i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
