Don't you send me to vm
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
