He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
