hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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