Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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