You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
