OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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