1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
