I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
