That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
