The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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