I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize