Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
