The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
