I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
